This week’s Time Out New York has a cover story right up our alley. In their not-always tantalizing pages, a few of their writers hung out with different tourists for the day and wrote about it. Actually they took two tours, one touristy the other more insider. Sounds like a sweet gig to us – especially because their freelancers usually get paid dinner-date-at-McDonald’s fees. Oh well. Checkout out their descriptions of douchy tourists. (Of course, we personally know that tourists aren’t the only douchebags in town.)

The Brit (Tommy, 26): “We down Bloody Marys and oysters, and Tommy loudly regales me with stories of his escapades (his shark-tooth earring, he says, was given to him by a fisherman he rescued from a shipwreck off the coast of Honduras).”

The Indian (Sumantra, 28): “On the boat ride over, Sumantra gives his take on New York: ‘I can get anything I want so easily, like a cola right inside the hostel or a taxi directly outside.”

The Americans (women ranging 27-47 years old): “Kathy, Renea, Lisa and Heather all teach tenth-grade English at a high school in Gilbert, Arizona. But they’ve been flown to New York City — for the first time…’We want Coach purses!’ they say, lighting up like Christmas trees. ‘At Target prices!’ “